Rat Road Rage

By Dr David Laing Dawson

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

For years we have been giving rats human diseases and then trying out new pills, potions, poisons and surgeries on them. This always seemed fair to me. After all, they did bring us two or three plagues over the years. Though in truth they were just the carriers and at least one of these plagues didn’t jump to humans until we went on a concerted campaign to reduce the rodent population of our major cities.

But now I see scientists are teaching rats how to drive little cars and forcing them to commute to work for food.

This strikes me as unnecessarily cruel. What’s next? Giving them facebook accounts? Cell phones? Email? Making them watch hours and hours of Donald Trump press conferences? Listen to Andrew Scheer speak French? Attend three hours of meetings each day? Stare at a picture of Mitch McConnell? Listen to Kanye West rapping or singing or praising Trump? Read about Kim Kardashian every day? Assemble a BBQ? Go shopping with the wife? Get addicted to CNN?

Is there no end to human cruelty?

Besides, we don’t need rats driving cars. Pretty soon we won’t need humans driving cars.

And I look forward to the day I can wake up in the morning and say “Sam, (I’ll call my AI Assistant Sam), Sam, check all the news and all the scientific reports and let me know if there is anything I should know – remember, it has to be something that will actually affect my life within ten years – I will be out on the patio sipping my home roasted Guatemalan high altitude fair trade coffee and watching the birds gather in the pine tree and the squirrels jumping from branch to branch in the Maple. If a rat wanders by I will warn him to stay away from Scientists.

2 thoughts on “Rat Road Rage

  1. This brings to mind that adult story “The Wind in the Willows” staged as Toad of Toad Hall. Ratty was an animal with great insight though he also ventured into boating for the heck of it! But he certainly was on to The manic Toad with his motorcars and caravan etc.

    And he knew that Toad would carry on doing what he always did when he was speeded up and onto the next craze maybe off his Lithium. Rats have seldom been outwitted. Perhaps to do so one needs a piper ?


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