By Dr David Laing Dawson
Say it ain’t so, Al, Jeff, Kevin…..
What is happening?
We turn 16, 17, or so, and the mating game begins. The sexual competition. This plays out within many different cultural rules, regulations and customs. It can be an open market, so to speak, in some modern cultures and driven by family status and economics in others. But it is a competition fought with all the weapons and symbols of female and male desirability. For most primates this involves tests of strength and the flaunting of secondary sexual characteristics and pheromones. We humans have added a great many more symbols of availability and readiness, from lipstick to sports cars. (so many symbols, in fact, that decoding them can be complicated).
But the game is on, and perhaps it lasts from the teens to late 20’s, often now followed by a second inning between 30 and 50.
Some years ago someone observed wedding receptions to watch this mating game unfold with several generations present. The most interesting observation was that each party had at least one older uncle who danced randomly and crazily into the small hours, without self-consciousness, with enjoyable abandon. The writer’s conclusion was that this uncle was a man who knew he was no longer in the competition. He could drop all pretense, all posing. He could simply have a good time without worrying about which fair maiden might be watching and judging him.
Which brings me to my point. All these men being accused of sexual impropriety are older (and often no longer attractive) males surrounded by beautiful younger women (and men) who are not interested in them. They, the older men, are out of the game, sidelined, retired. The women are no longer sending them signals of availability. In other ways these men are admired and desired, but not sexually, not by younger women. The younger women are looking elsewhere.
This is not to excuse their behaviour. Their actions display anger and resentment about being left off the dance card, perhaps more anger, resentment and entitlement than desire. Time to grow up, gentlemen. We are not forever young.